I Walk the Line

I grieve quietly. I'll blog quietly.

Never am I one who mourns for an extended length of time. Never am I one who searches for sympathy. I guarantee you that almost no one here knows that a dear, dear friend of mine passed away yesterday morning.

I had a discussion after I broke down in tears yesterday at work with my boss (I was mortified by my public explosion of emotion). He called me into his office to talk to me (or more of me talk to him). He wanted to "check" on me. I appreciate his efforts greatly, but he told me something that I've been told a million times over. "I don't want you to suffer alone. If you need anything, I'm here, we're (referring to my office friends) here."

I CHOOSE to 'suffer alone,' as people call it. This is how I cope. Give me music. Give me a piece of paper so I can make something of it. Give me a couple tears. Give me a phone call with a loved one. Give me stupid humor. Give me a cherished memory of the one who passed away. I'm fine.

I wish when I told people, "I'm fine," that they would believe me. The way I survive in this life is to push pain aside. Like a snow plow, I'll just blow through the sadness and move on with my life. There is no other way I know to manage emotions.

I worry more about the other people than I worry about myself. I worry about his mom, his dad, his brother, his family, our friends. I worry about the people he will never impact the way he impacted so many in his short time here.

Things I love that I will never take for granted in this short time we have...

I love love. I love life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my school. I love the air. I love the trees. I love my camera. I love smiling. I love laughing. I love music. I love my bestest friend. I love the first day of a new season. I love my pillows. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my brother. I love letters. I love handwriting. I love color. I love water. I love nature. I love watching what people can do. I love red hair. I love dimples. I love newspapers. I love kaleidoscopes. I love thinking. I love feeling. I love dogs. I love puppies. I love Florence + the Machine.

I love being happy. I choose to be happy. I was born happy. I'm a happy soul. Perhaps my happiness will nudge its way into the beings of others. That'd make me happy.

I want to leave anyone out there who is sad with something that made me happy when I was upset. Enjoy the beauty and splendor of Miss Florence Welch.

Pardon my rambling in this post, but things needed to be said.

No matter who you are, know that someone loves you.

AND... You've Got the Love.

RWH

Somehow I Could Find My Way Back

I have issues when people tell me that they just can't "do" art.

I hear this all of the time: "I'm just not artistic." "I can't draw or anything." "I wish I was artistic."

These statements send needles into my chest. Everyone is artistic. People get this constriction around their thoughts that I don't understand. What is everyone classifying art to be?

As someone who is dedicating (or DEBTicating, as I should say) my life to art, design, and expression, I have my own definition of what art really is. To me, art is any form of expression or transference of emotions, feelings, or thoughts in any medium.

There are the typical mediums people recognize as associated with art.

• Painting
• Sculpting
• Photography
• Drawing
• etc.

Then there are things people overlook or disregard as art.

• Music/Singing
• Architecture
• Landscaping
• Digital Media
• Floral Design (MOM)
• Letters
• Collages
• Doodles
• Fashion/Clothing
• So much more than we could ever imagine.

The only requirement for art is feeling. 

Have you ever been sad when a dog died? 

Have you ever looked at a sunrise/sunset and been taken aback? 

Have you ever seen an infant and smiled? 

Have you ever been touched and felt your heart pulsate an awkward beat? 

Have you ever loved someone so much that they're all you think about? 

Have you ever had a friend who gives your very existence its light? 

Have you ever been hurt? 

Have you been angry and had nothing you could do about it?

Have you ever watched the news and wanted to cry?

Have you ever cried?

Have you ever looked at the night sky and thought, "wow."?

Have you been so upset you could punch a wall?

Have you ever given up?

Have you ever wanted to stop living?

Have you ever heard music and a tear streaked down your face?

Have you ever felt that first day of fall or spring as the breeze blows past your skin?

Have you ever wondered what's up with that one we call 'God'?

Have you ever missed someone?

Have you ever felt? 

If you can answer, "yes," to any those questions, then you are capable of creating art.

Don't know how to make the piece of work that you feel should be made?

Rip up paper and glue it together how your hands tell you.

Make ANYTHING and DESTROY it.

Stare at a blank piece of paper until it tells you what to make (it will, I promise).

Look through a camera lens and let it guide you to its subject.

The most beautiful soul on this earth once told me something that has stayed with me ever since.

"In order to gain control, we must lose all control."

Let go. Let yourself feel. Recognize the beauty in even the smallest of things. Love.

Don't ever tell me you don't know how to "do" art. Everyone can. Everyone should.

RWH