I Walk the Line

I grieve quietly. I'll blog quietly.

Never am I one who mourns for an extended length of time. Never am I one who searches for sympathy. I guarantee you that almost no one here knows that a dear, dear friend of mine passed away yesterday morning.

I had a discussion after I broke down in tears yesterday at work with my boss (I was mortified by my public explosion of emotion). He called me into his office to talk to me (or more of me talk to him). He wanted to "check" on me. I appreciate his efforts greatly, but he told me something that I've been told a million times over. "I don't want you to suffer alone. If you need anything, I'm here, we're (referring to my office friends) here."

I CHOOSE to 'suffer alone,' as people call it. This is how I cope. Give me music. Give me a piece of paper so I can make something of it. Give me a couple tears. Give me a phone call with a loved one. Give me stupid humor. Give me a cherished memory of the one who passed away. I'm fine.

I wish when I told people, "I'm fine," that they would believe me. The way I survive in this life is to push pain aside. Like a snow plow, I'll just blow through the sadness and move on with my life. There is no other way I know to manage emotions.

I worry more about the other people than I worry about myself. I worry about his mom, his dad, his brother, his family, our friends. I worry about the people he will never impact the way he impacted so many in his short time here.

Things I love that I will never take for granted in this short time we have...

I love love. I love life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my school. I love the air. I love the trees. I love my camera. I love smiling. I love laughing. I love music. I love my bestest friend. I love the first day of a new season. I love my pillows. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my brother. I love letters. I love handwriting. I love color. I love water. I love nature. I love watching what people can do. I love red hair. I love dimples. I love newspapers. I love kaleidoscopes. I love thinking. I love feeling. I love dogs. I love puppies. I love Florence + the Machine.

I love being happy. I choose to be happy. I was born happy. I'm a happy soul. Perhaps my happiness will nudge its way into the beings of others. That'd make me happy.

I want to leave anyone out there who is sad with something that made me happy when I was upset. Enjoy the beauty and splendor of Miss Florence Welch.

Pardon my rambling in this post, but things needed to be said.

No matter who you are, know that someone loves you.

AND... You've Got the Love.

RWH